Update... in the life of Jan

We haven't not been using this blog enough!!!!
i shall demand that we re-start using it again... that made more sense in my head, lol.

News in the life of Jan...
Umm, missing Mic :( but counting down the days til she gets here :) (48days)
also counting down the days til the end of exams (11days) and then im having a proper holiday!!! which i haven't had in a ridiculously long time... no working, no commitments... just me and lots of free time and friends :)

anyway, after a nice while without any drama darren and i have realised that something is seriously wrong with ry, we cant figure it out... but he's really not happy and not talking about it, so im sitting down with him on friday afternoon and not letting him leave until he spills. i think its a mixture of him feeling out of the loop at youth, the fact that he's graduation this year and is on his own so to speak, and i don't think things are all too peachy with lydia... anyway. i shall update on Friday...
im just more worried than usual because normally worry-free darren is even concerned. BUT nothing can be done til i chat to him and really find out whats going on. :)

and so the boy saga continues... oh my married and seriously committed lovelies... you can not miss the stupid to-and-fro'ing of boys... *sigh*
we all know that im hopelessly in love with ry... BUT i refuse to sit around and pine while he's dating lydia, which I've been doing until now. and I'm hoping that by shopping around that i get over him... if i don't then its probably meant to be. but I'm being realistic, if i keep waiting for him, chances are I'm going to become the crazy cat lady who will forever be waiting... so this brings me to tim and darren updates...
oh the stupid dichotomy... is there anyway you can merge two boys into one perfect boy? lol
Tim and i seem to have to hugest spark... but nothing in common... I'd marry darren tomorrow if we actually had a spark... lol. darren and i just mesh so well, which i would not have thought a few months back... but he's changed over the last 2 or 3 months and I've gotten to know him so much better and if we actually had a spark I'd really be into him... but the thought of even kissing the boy makes me giggle...
Tim however, I'm glad i don't drink... coz i would not like to be held accountable for the unabashed flirting and inappropriate behaviour that would follow... haha.
i think i just need to get tim out of my system...
darren and i however connect on every level... spiritually, emotionally... he's fast becoming a very close friend. but i supposed girls and boys can be best friends, hey :)

Other than boys... things are going well, exams til now have been going well. the next two (one on friday and then monday) im worried about... im very unprepared... then its just next friday again and im freeeee :)
Youth is going well too, organising is good, and we have a camp in the middle of Dec, which im looking forward to... otherwise... i miss my Llamas, espicially the one in silly pretoria ;p

love you girls!

Bachelorettes, Jiggly Butts and Karma

Hey you llovely llama lladies, I haven't blogged in a while and felt that it is my duty, neigh, privilege to be a part of this blog of awesomeness and I shall contribute. 

So not much exciting has happened in my life recently, but I did go to Janel's bachelorette and had a really fun time! Any party that starts out with Jelly Shots is guaranteed to be a blast, amiright?! The highlights were a scavenger hunt type thingi with the lamest clues ever (LOL) which culminated in all of us girls plus His Awesomeness Himself (Spencer) in adult world making the other patrons feel rather awkward as we were poking at goods and commenting loudly about everything. Then we rushed back for a belly-dancing lesson, yessiree, we were shaking our asses like nobody's business.  We were all attempting to channel Shakira and some even succeeded. The bellydancing was surprisingly (at least for me) fun and liberating. There is something really powerful about a woman who is comfortable with her own body and despite society's ideology on what the "sexy" woman is supposed to look like, she was beautiful and sensual with her pot belly hanging out. Inspiring. If I'm truly honest with myself I know that I'm horribly insecure about my body, and so are most other women. How sad for us, we spend so much time and energy worrying about bullshit because of society's ideals. wtf? Obviously one must live a healthy lifestyle, I'm not saying that thats not important (I may even go as far as to say it's vital, long life and all-yes Candi I know I smoke and that this whole statement is slightly lacking in light of that), but I know that we all have these moments when we stare at ourselves in the mirror and pick ourselves apart by society's standards. I hereby declare that I will attempt to make peace with my jiggly butt and pointy nose. This could take a while... 

But I digress, after the belly dancing, it was off to Starlight for a fishbowl and from there we went to Stones and danced some more, apparently the party continued after I left, at China White. I'm sure Janel woke up with quite a headache the next morning ;)

We really missed you ladies who couldn't make it, but we'll make up for that at the No-Poker-Poker-Night and at the wedding. I'm very excited!! I managed to get the 16th &  the 17th off, so I'm making a looooooong weekend of it. Just what the doctor ordered. Been super stressed lately, I'm getting a lot of pressure at work, with reports and meetings and fights and drama. There is a particular person who is driving me crazy coz he does the absolute minimum on the last second and the rest of my team are the lucky ones having to pick up the pieces. UGH! But such is life and the corporate ladder. We gotto do what we gotto do. Though it would really really please me if I could witness him getting his come-uppins. Karma's a bitch. :) Oh yes he'll get what's coming to him, and I will be there to point and laugh. (in the nicest possible way of course)

Well, my sista's from otha mista's, I miss you all very much and I cannot wait to see you again. I have nothing more of interest to say, so... 

Llama Out 

 

Of late.....:)

Hello girls :)

Ok so, I owe you guys a proper update from when i last visited my beautiful and lovely cape town.

so when i came back, i held out two weeks guys. two weeks!! Then i gave in, cos it felt so good and so right to.
so niow we have been living together for about a month and we hava made it official. I thought about it long and hard and spoke to my mother and some peeps too. I think i realised that i was being afraid of another relationship failure and that i would screw up stuff again. But after much bullying by my mother, and many obvious signs from the universe, i decided to take that leap once again. and jason has been endlessly paitient and helpful and loving. i am pretty sure he is already in love with me, and i may be on my way there myself.
also, i now hav a job tht will keep me here untill november basically. its still the creche job, but in a slightly less high ranking capacity :P ill be a teachers asistant. it doesnt pay as much, but i feel happy there and they love me and its valuable experience, and frankly, it seemed the universe was telling me to stay. So I am :)
when i ran it past jason to tell him that ill be able to pay even less towards house costs, he said it was more than fine with it and that 'he would be looking after me sooner than later then.' and said i should do what makes me happy. so ja.

seriously guys, who wouldnt adore this guy? :) either way, i am allowing myself to be happy. i have a job i like, a boy i really like who really likes me, and sex. life is good right now :)

you guys will meet him in september, when we come up for the wedding. cross fingers this euphria lasts :P

love you guys,
Me

Update Blog

So, I thought I'd drop off an update blog.

Boys - are yucky throw rocks at them ;)
yeah, Tim has buried himself in work, so I'm using the old adage "he's just not that in to you" lol.
I invited him to see a photo exhibition (yes, he's into photography too) two Saturdays ago, and he said he couldn't go because he had chores around the house.. -_- gee, well, i ah, have to shampoo my shoe laces too... thanks for reminding me... now i know I'm sure he actually had work to do around the house, but if he liked me and wanted to go, i know he could have blown it off, if i had asked Andrew, his brother, to come - he would have blown the damn chores off... ANYWAY - Mom and i went instead, and had a good morning in Town, saw a stunning exhibition and Mom bought me coffee :)

ANTHROPOLOGY excursion :)
my tickets are booked!! Candy, Vanessa & Janelly can be jealous, because i shall have a lay over in Pretoria afterwards and shall be crashing on Mic's queen size bed with her, and yes -MEETING JASON!!! :D
teehee...
i just pressured my mom into finally saying yes to the excursion, also my Grandfathers inheritance is coming through soon and i know my mom wants to give my sister and i some of it, so it'll probably come from that, so its all good :) got my flight home booked (at a bargain of R413!) and my actual excursion paid for. now i just need to sort out getting there, i want to take the train but its R650... and i don't know if i want to spend that kind of money on a train trip... but i REALLY want to take the train, so i think I'm just going to close my eyes and do it :p

Thank you Candy for rallying to get me to go, it meant the world to me and I really appreciate it!! :)

Umm... not much other news... life is SOOOO boring at the moment... have nothing going on, so if you want to do anything - just shout!!! lol.

Love you all so very much!!!!

Llama Llove support when you need it MOSTest! :)

SOOOO - Micaela and I were chatting and an idea came up that Micaela has brought up before ages ago... well, kind of...

The idea now IS:
we all get a nice, comfy, supportive, special bra each that i will then take to get embroidered with the Llama Llady logo Mic made ages ago, and maybe our names...
that way we all have something special that we can slip on, that no one needs to know about, that will remind us that we are there for each other no matter what...
ie: supportive, uplifting, cooshi, close to your heart... teehee...

it can obviously be any bra you want, I'm going to chat to an embroider lady tomorrow about specifics, but I'll probably need to be a padded/material type bra, not lacy... but I'll post that a bit later... :)

let me know what all you Llovely Lladies think!! :)

Love you all!!!

boys *sigh* nuf said

Lol - okay so...

Some developments since my last post...
darren went away for 2weeks... i though i was going to miss him and really feel it... uhh... nope... lol. my online life was quiet for the time, but i just missed his friendship... was an odd realisation after my epiphany that i had... i didnt send the sms :)
Thank you my Llovely Llama Lladies, i loved how you guys were "of course go for it take the step" but also didnt want me to get hurt... you all reacted just the way i thought you would, and that is with absolute love for me and i thank you so much for that (i may be teary eyed typing this).
I'm very glad i didnt send it, but at the same time I'm glad that i was about to... lets face it, in the life of Jan, typing the sms was a big step ;p

Other developements was spending (yes, still youth time) time with Tim, we had a stay awake at youth one wednesday and i realised how much we really do click... he's also really in photography :)
so the jury is still out... but we're seeing where that goes...
Darren is egging me on to follow through with it, he seems to think Tim is the bees knees, so he's a bit biased lol :p

*insert facebook snooping here* just know that he's hardly in facebook so there isnt much about him on it ;)

i have in fact... sms'd Tim to see if he'll go to a photo gallery with me tomorrow, was unplanned... i just wanted to go and thought tomorrow worked well and decided to sms him, but since he's not a night owl like me and i sms'd him close to midnight, he was already asleep, so i'll see if he replies tomorrow... fingers crossed ;)

Other than boys - i've been having admin issues... not sure if i'll be getting my British passport... and apprently Planet Fitness have 'handed me over' to a debt collector because i owe them R223 from a year and half ago that i knew nothing about... but i dont feel like going into it now... its boring, lol.

Just wanted to update you on the boys... realised that i hadnt yet :)
& to say thank you for all your support and love...
Love you Lladies!!!

Not "rocking the show" but doing "ok"

Hey,

I'm not "rocking the show" but I'm doing "ok". I'm on my meds now. The anti-anxiety ones have helped alot - I'm so much more chilled and less edgy (I think Wez is super happy with this). The anti-depressents will only really kick in sometime next week - so I guess "watch this space"? Still feeling low but atleast I have a routine now - I wake up with Wez, eat breakfast, pills, lunch, pills, snack, pills, supper, sleeping pills. Woohoo :P. Sounds bad hey. oh well.


I'm waiting for my marks which are driving me crazy - they're only gonna be released on the 2 July. It sucks. I hate waiting so long and then I fail a subject :(

Well, that's all I got (or can manage) for now.

Anyhoo, in honour of fathers' day I wrote a poem. It's not about my dad though, but rather about my grandfather.



Hands of Love:

feverishly
you loved her
so much so
you
held her hand
in
yours

now the McBeth stain holds you captive
a self-given-guilt no washing can free

seventy-five years have passed
your liquid love
hidden away
deep beneath
your hands
now cracked
like dried earth

she had flu
and so did you
you were a child
and she was only two
how were you to know
what your hands of love could do?


you should know:

no-one
no-one
no-one

blamed

you

All you need is love, ba ba ba ba ba.........

Helloo my friendy friends :)

I know I havent posted in a while. Suppose i was waiting for the news to build up, and you guys seemed to be having alot more interestingness than me anyway.

Well, Since i last posted I have been cave exploring (not for the claustrophobic by the way, they dont tell you THAT on the website.) which was awesome in many ways. Similar in a way to diving cos you get to see whats under the surface and it gives a certain perspective.Our guide was this afrikaaner who kept cracking these lame jokes that we were sometimes wondering whether to laugh at or not. but anyway, it took about 3 hours in total to finigh the entire exploration. Was super fun :) definately wanna do that again.

Things with work seem to finally be getting into a rhythm. Haven't been kakked out in a week so that and counting :) The wife is actually talking to me now and the kid now wants me around, if only cos i am like a permanent play mate :P but hey, im getting paid alot to be a play mate. The visit from my mom helped alot too. I had gotten to the point where i had forgotten who i was and why I came here. Forgotten to be proud of myself for the things ive done, even if they weret all that amazing to others.

Downer came when Rodney seemed to finally click that we were over based on a facebook status of mine he read. He went crazy and sort of angry at me for a while, but truthfully,i had no emotional energy to spare him and my mother waqs visiting for one precious weekend, so i just told him he would have to talk to me once the weekend was over and he had calmed down. I was upset cos i thought i had made it clear before, but obviously, not clear enough. In any case, i literally felt i was so far ahead on being over this whole thing, i didnt let it get to me, i just enjoy the few moments i had with my mom. was very sad to see her go, made me realise that so much of this would be easier if i just had my family and friends around me. most of the reason i struggle so much, is cos i dont have friends to back me up like always :P but thats life and i must grow up and face it. Mom did leave me with something though, whch was my confidence in myself, which i had lost aong the way. I now see i have to keep myself together and not come unravelled, which is what was happening.

And then on another note, i am a little biut of a whore but i dont really care right now :) im sure ive told you all a little bit about this guy who takes me out every sunday :) well anyway, things is, ya, he is cute and sweet and we get along and older and basically takes me anywhere i want and also drives really far out to see me every weekend :) 90km to be exact. and then back. and he has clearly told me he likes me. alot. but is willing to just have fun as well. so, ja. i ma kinda being won over a little.

so yesterday he takes me out and we just go around doing whatever really. went to church with me, regardless of not having been to church in a decade. went to breakfast. now girls, u should know that since the first day we went out i have known he was gonna kiss me. i just knew. finally yesterday he did. and i have to say i woke up with a smile on my face this morning :) :) :) so i know ive kinda just broke up with rodney, but to be truthful, i have been over him for alot longer. i am not saying im ready for another relationship or anything, but i will say its nice to be kissed, paid attention to and liked :)

so anyway, thats me for now. hope you guys are rocking your shows too :P

llove,
Jaguette.

i dont know what to do... but i know im a crazy lady!

SOOOOO - i need some advice here my Llama Llady Friends...

I've been thinking... about Darren... not sure if everyone knows who he is, so quick fill in - he's become a really good friend of mine, and is Ryan's best friend, we run youth together and are very quickly becoming very close friends. he's studying electrical&computer engineering at Stellenbosch and is only 21.

now a little while ago, about Dec, i thought i liked him... but i convince myself that it was just coz we were close friends and that i was just getting confused... But now I'm realising that he is pretty much everything i would want in a guy...
not the airy-fairy stuff like he laughs at my stupid jokes and he can be sweet and charming... bla bla bla...
but i could, baring some apocalyptic event, see myself with him in 15 years, with a family... and that scares the bejeebers out of me... but at the same time makes me realise how deeply i feel for him... there are tons of things that I'm not going to gush about here, lol, that i genuinely love about him... BUT - the catch is, 1st of all in Darren's world i am just a friend, this I'm 95% sure of (the cons of knowing a guy so well). 2nd is that at the moment there is NO chemistry between us... but at the same time, i think its because I've always put that barrier between us, (we all know i can have a personal bubble made of Kevlar when i want to) and i think i have done that because I'm scared of the potential of chemistry...
now, i don't know if I'm making sense... sorry if I'm not :s
but i need to know if I've watched too many rom-coms, read too many romance books or listened to too many fairy stories... but i think that its slowly sinking in for me that Darren might just be the guy...
I've been praying about it and it's not going away, and now I've asked God that if this is the case, firstly - is He VERY sure... and 2ndly He has to put the spark into our friendship... coz i could marry my best friend & have a family with him, but I'm not sure i could be in a Relationship just based on that...

i feel crazy at the moment, so need to point that out...
but for a weird, very weird comparison, i have deep sense of knowing that this is real, like i did with being depressed... it Vanessa to convince me that i knew it, but i really did know it...
aaaaaaaaaaaaah - i think i sound crazy... but you girls know what that love is like... seeing yourself with someone in 15 years time... but i think i also might be crazy... :(

Stuffs (a.k.a. "I-don't-know-what-to-call-this-blog")

Cyan has been missing for 4 days now and I am feeling uber depressed about it. I just wish I knew where he was or what has happened to him. I feel like at least if I know then I can move on, instead of coming home everyday and hoping to see him just to be disappointed and heartbroken all over again, and then stand outside calling him and wondering around the property looking for him. Constantly on the lookout. I put up signs today and placed an ad on gumtree. Probably wont even help.

This is insane, I really sound like one of those crazy cat ladies. I just got so attached to him, I always begged my mom for a cat but we could never get one because my allergies were too bad back then. So he really means so much to me, and he is such a special cat. Is it normal to feel this upset? Everyone is saying that cats are weird like that, they'll just disappear for days and then come back like nothing happened, but he has always been basically a house cat and he always came home for his food at night. It's not in his character to disappear like this. I guess that's why I cant stop feeling like something bad must have happened to him. I really hope not, I hope that he comes through the cat flap any minute now.

Other people must feel the same way about their pets, people get tattoos of their pets for crying out loud! So I guess its normal to be upset.

Anyway, let me stop my whining there. Work is hectic at the moment, super busy all the time and I just don't seem to be making headway through the mountain of work I have. Luckily we started interviewing people to be my assistant today and I think we have the candidate. But we still need to interview a couple of people. Soon I'll be able to hand off a lot of the mundane things I am currently bogged down with and get to the important stuff: making sure the company makes profit. Can't wait! And I have promised myself that as soon as implementation is complete I am taking a couple of days off, and hopefully getting away. So soon, soooooooooooooon *droooool*

Pretty stressed at the moment, skin freaking out, sleep deprived. DAMN I need a night out. Goth Day was supposed to be the Big Night Out, but like an utter idiot (and by this I mean EPIC FAILURE at even qualifying to be called an idiot) I left my ID at home and couldn't get into Gandalfs (seriously, I kid you not they would not let me in) after driving all the way there in crazy rugby traffic. You can't even begin to imagine how pissed I was!! And there is nothing worse than being pissed at yourself, coz there's not much you can do about it. You cant exactly throttle yourself, which would have been the result if it was anyone else who had forgotten their ID. I would have made them wait in the car for the night, while I partied like a rockstar. I think they refer to that as impotent anger.

So today I swallowed my new (magical) retainer for my lip ring, and I truly am amazed at how easy it is to swallow piercing jewelery. I have already swallowed three little metal balls and one plastic retainer, I'm not quite sure how I feel about that.

We got Top TV (the new satelite tv thingi). It's totally awesome! Costs only a third of DSTV it's really great. Its got Fox Entertainment, Fox Retro (all the old ass shows like M*A*S*H, Tropical Heat, Miami Vice, Six Million Dollar Man etc), several Discovery Channels, MGM channel, Showtime, Sci-Fi channel, a bunch of movie channels and my personal favorite a metal music channel :). Totally chuffed with it.

Really missing you guys a lot. We HAVE to hook up soon, need me some Llama time.

LUVS!

The Blogfish Lives!!!!!

Yes, I am no longer Boomba (the dog-sniffing cat in the TV series Dogstar) but BLOGFISH!!! Yes! Modelled on our attractive friend the Blobfish, I aim to keep my appearance above that of our friend (LOL) , and to "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" through the bloggasphere!





____________________________________________________________________________


Ok, life update.


BREAKING NEWS....I almos died! I almos did! Seeeriuus! Lol. Exhaustion and exam stress! Geez I have never felt so freaked out about exams before (may be related to the next bit of breaking news). Luckily the horror of the three-day marathon session is over, and a 7-week-long holiday awaits. I am so extremely sleep-deprived at this point that I feel like a crazy person. (So if this message seems disturbed it is because I really am)


I also went to see the psychologist and spewed out my life story - turns out I'm not suppose to live life like a depressed hermit with skitzo-tendancies (as if white-tendancies weren't enough pressure!). She reckons I have a crazy-person-cocktail of anxiety, depression and OCD. I reckon she's right. And I'm at the point where I'm really starting to loose it - I mean really lose it - I sometimes believe I can help Wesley work better if I wash the dishes in a certain way of clean the room in the right order. Yup - loosing it - so I guess it's great timing then? She also reckons I need meds, and that I might need then for life - weird. So, I'm seeing the psychiatrist on the 9th for my meds. They are apparently only going to kick in after 6-weeks of taking it. So basically when I start classes next semester, I will be a bright, new, shinny Candi. I'm really excited to see the difference it will make to my life. So yeah, I'm looking forward to being on psych meds! LOL.


IN OTHER NEWS....Wez is in Namibia until Friday, and I will be helping out my very pregnant friend Maritza move house tomorrow (Thursday).


Oh yeah, I almost got mugged then didn't thanks to a kindly gardener who gave me shelter while the crazy/drunk bergie passed. Yay!


_____________________________________________________________________________

Have a great week ladies :)

Llama Lamb

just a short note, does anyone else think that the Llama Luv pic totally looks more like a Llama Llamb? Is super cute tho...and I'm totally in favour of lambs :)

BLOG VIRGIN

teehee - Hi, my name is SillyMonkeyLlamaLlady, and I'm a blog virgin :)

So - whats there to tell you:
I am on holiday... sort of... i have finished exams and am waiting for the results... i hate this part.
I am busy organising a youth holiday programme, which should be fun once the admin is done, just one event a week during the holidays.
otherwise... im looking for a place to do french lessons, i have to learn how to speak french if i want to work in Africa further than southern Africa... *sigh* wish me luck :s

oooh - boys: we still like Tim, but he's making things too difficult, so i've given up playing along.
for the scoop - forget who i have and haven't told - he's a youth leader with me, he's 21 and just started his internship at a landscaping company and will be graduating at the end of the year. not sure what it is i really like about him, but he has a grin that gets me into trouble :s
anyway - we've kinda been flirting with each other, the only prob is that this is all at youth so i wont be too obvious about liking him and he hasnt taken any lead to take it outside of youth - SO its kinda stuck.
and this is usually where i make the mistake and become really good friends with the guy to try and take it further and i end up as the 'friend' and not 'girlfriend material' SOOOO - i'm leaving it...
lol! it's a very different approach to how i normally function - BUT - im learning :p see Mic - its possible!!!

Otherwise, things are good :) just could do with some more money and time - but cant we all :p

ooh - diet wise; its been hard the last few weeks, i think its just been too long - June is the 4th month. BUT i shall persever - and im trudging along and going to gym and walking the dogs... which is a bonuse because until now i havent been doing much excerise, so i've lost 20kg just dieting... :)
also i found that i've been weighting my food incorrectly sometimes, so thats back on track... so hopefully it'll pick up again and i can reach my goal by the end of August :)

i've also decided to join a hiking club, i really want to go oout hiking more, and my social circle - as much as i love my ladies - could do with some increasing, lol.

otherwiiiiiiiise - i cant think of anything :p
lots of llama llove!!!!

IOU

Okay Okay, I know this may be a little lame...

But this is just a promise of a post haha. An IOU blog, to let you know that I love you and desperately want to fill you in on whats happening in my life right now.

But I don't have enough time today.

But this week it shall come and it shall be epic!

or at least full length haha.

Briefly - work is sucking like crazy right now.

Wedding plans are on track, but some stuff has to be done ASAP or it wont' be sorted in time.

But I love my fiancé' more than ever, so I know we can get through it all.

I miss miss ma llamas hugely though!!!

Breakfast soon???

Loves

Pink

I uttered an embarassed LOL...

So dear Llama friends, prepare to lol.

Half way through my work day I go to the bathroom and as I pull up my pants I realize that all is not as it should be with my trousers. In a moment the lifetime of my pants flash before my eye and another realization: I have just been prancing around the office for half a day in pants with a giant hole in the crotch area, and my black and red panties have been putting on there own little version of a peep show. (pause for dramatic effect).

So at this stage my situation was as follows: I'm in the bathroom with the offending hole in my pants, the realization that my boyshorts have been on display and the knowledge that I have no replacement pants. So I decide to put the offending pants back on and make doubly sure that its as bad as I think, I do so and yes it's pretty bad (how could I not have noticed this morning when I put them on, it must have happened in the wash??). Ok so now I need to resolve this problem as I am now a management and require a certain amount of dignity and poise. All of a sudden I realize that our receptionist is a total saint with enough stuff in her handbag to survive an apocalyptic event, and I am convinced that she will have a sewing kit in there, but I'll have to walk all the way to the front of the building with my undies on parade, but then I decide that I got through half the day prancing them around and that another 10min won't make much of a difference.

So off I go and as I have explained our receptionist graciously hands over a sewing kit with black cotton for my emergency. Now I race back to the loo to do the mending as I'm not keen to run around in my knickers in my office (I think my assistant might object). Once in the loo I realize I don't have scissors and that I will have to gnaw at the cotton, which of course I do. Now picture this: me with my pants around my ankles haunched over like the freaky sister of Quasimodo stitching my pants frantically hoping that I won't stitch one pants leg to my crotch. Never have I been so thankful for my grandmothers sewing lessons which were forced upon me as a child! 

Well my pants are back to their original hole-less state but I couldn't stop laughing and had to blog about it to you guys!

Hope I could make you smile, missing you guys a lot!

P.s. I am now officially Head of the Control Department :) how weird is that? Oh and I have found a retainer for my lip ring that no one at work has noticed so I'll be able to keep all my piercings :) Joy and joyness. 

Lluvs!

On the other side of normal.

Another update on my wierd topsy turvy life people ::)

Well, the baby went in to see the heart specialist today, so the rents are gone and since junior is too sick for school, im working a full day today. I don't really mind. Got taken out by a very nice guy yesterday who actually took me to a snamke park :) Now this park doesn't just house snakes ans other miscellaneous reptiles, but also big cats, monkeys, birds and various othercool wildlife. it was even better because the entire park is built around al these big lovely trees, ans the animals are well cared for. So it wasn't a completely depressing experience;seeing animals in cages and all that. It was on the hartebeespoot dam aswell, so there was a 'pleasuer baot" (i kid you not) leqving every half hour. I laughed every time they announced its name over the intercom :P and the food was great too.

Overall, i had such a good sunday. Went to a nice church that i'm pretty sure won't satrt prayig over my demoness ways every time they look at me. Went and spent a lovely day with a new friend. Saw prince of persia, very good. By the end of the day i felt good and real and relaxed. Exactly what i needed after the last couple of weeks which have made my mother tell e i should go back on my anxiety meds that i was taking last year. Yesterday reminded me that im only human, and everyone needs a break.

Like i said the lst few weeeks have been a special kind of hell for me. I wont go inot details, but it has made me realise that i still have alot of crap to be sorted out that is conveneintly locked away during my good days, and breaks free when i get uner any srt of pressure. this is not good. cant have the monsters coming out of the bed verytime things get tough. the solution is: get rid of the monsters.

So, like candi said, i think im going to find someone proffessional i can talk to, cos i got to much baggage. and i dont wanna become my fathers daughter, dependednt on drugs and unable to live in this reality cos my demons keep dragging me down.

anyway, im feeling pretty chipper today :)

love ya guys,
me

The Meltdown

Wednesday was a nightmare. Had back to back meetings with the CEO and top management of the company. The first meeting went ok-ish, was pretty intense but went well over-all. Then I walk into the next meeting, which btw was supposed to be a Costing Meeting and I was uber prepared for it, but then the meeting got hi-jacked and turned into a meeting to discuss my new position, which incidentally I was NOT prepared for. Well, I won't bore you with the details of exactly what went down but half way through the meeting the CEO goes off at one of the MD's and barges out of the boardroom. This is immediately followed by said MD freaking out and basically throwing his toys out the cot and also storms out. Now at this stage everyone is pretty tense and you all know how GREAT I am with confrontation and such, plus I am somewhat stressed due to the fact that I am currently filling two full-time positions and trying somehow to get it all done and prevent complete chaos and still somehow impress them all and prove that I am so the right choice for upper management. So you can just imagine how I was feeling. Next thing back comes the MD and goes off at me (in front of another MD, the company's financial director and two other colleagues) for not keeping him in the loop and basically throwing him to the wolves (which was not the case at all to be discovered at a later stage). Well, I tried soooooooo hard to keep my composure but couldn't deal any longer and the meltdown ensued. I'm talking full on ugly cry in front of some of the most senior people in the company. I was mortified, and feeling like I don't have what it takes and they are all going to think CEO is crazy for giving me the job and that I cant even handle an in-house meeting! 

It was terrible and utterly draining, and I have realized that I have no idea what I'm doing. This is not like anything I have ever done before and there is so much I am completely clueless about. This is hardcore man. I know that I can do the actual work, but I am not so sure about all the management stuff. The position I am being put in is not the kind of position offered to people our age. I almost feel like I haven't got the life-experience that goes with something like this. It's like there is this whole different etiquette that I have to adhere to that I have no clue about. There are ways that things are supposed to be done and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing!!

I know that CEO would not take a risk on me if he didn't KNOW that I have what it takes. I mean this is his company, if I fail, he fails. So I know that if he sees that in me then it's there. But that doesn't change the fact that I am so green and have sooooooooo much to still learn. I feel like a child in a very grown up world. I guess that it's  a good thing that I realize that. I am open and ready to learn, so I foresee many more bumps along this road but I'm on it now and I'll do my best to make it work.

It's so much more of a challenge than I thought. 

Your friend, the vegetable

Yes, the inevitable has happened: I've turned into a vegetable.

Yes, I can no longer disguise my sandy root-like appearance. The days of waiting for my one-and-only to return and the anticipation of the upcoming exams, coupled with the fact that TV provides a good distraction, has morphed my being, especially my mind, into a vegetable.

Woohoo! I have spent more time this week on the couch, watching TV, surfing the Internet, eating protein-less meals and sleeping than I have probably done so in my entire life. This is what I've been reduced to. I officially lack all motivation to: study or, for lack of a better description, live.

How did this happen? Am I depressed? Or am I just lazy? Or am I just procrastinating? I think definitely the first option seasoned with the latter two, like a sort of two-minute noodle depressing supper. Yup.

So, without further ado, I will shortly be getting my act together. I can no longer stand by as my life lives around me and I remain uninvolved. I used to really fun, I used to be crazy, I used to be confident and I used to be fearless. I use to be bouncy. And I miss that, SO....

I will be seeing a psych.
I will be seeing a dietitian.
I will be going back to gym.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself while others become more awesome - i.e. Micaela - being fearless, Vanessa - moving on up and kicking butt in the process, Janel - starting a career, getting married, and Janice - turning into a freakin' super model. Oh, and yes, everyone growing up while I whimper behind like a sad puppy. Fuck that shit.

That said - you guys better hold me accountable - I've been known to turn and run!

Love,

Your friend,

The vegetable

The morning after...or afternoon.

Here I am again :)
It's the day after my birthday, and so now I am really thinking about where i am now, being 24, and where I intend to go with my life.
I am sure it comes a no shock to anyone that I have no clues about the future. all i can see is about 5 cm into my future, living from inch to inch.
I have this year done a few things: been graduated, got a degree, moved to joburg, wrestled with a difficult but lovable rugrat, broke up with my long time boyfriend and turned a year older. I think i have trouble stahding still.
But i have learned some things. for instance i have learned that sometimes even though you can love someone till it hurts, it doesnt make a difference if things just arent right. I have learned to seriously reconsider having kids and learned that they are alot more responsibility than they seem. I have learned that some people really do reach a point in thier lives where they refuse to change, regardless of how other people have to maneuver to get around them. I have learned, in a serious way, that being an au pair is not about just looking after kids, its about adapting to whatever family dynamic the family you are living with has, and being aware of more than just the child. in other words, the job does not stop with the kid, it extends into the entire family; who wants what for breakfast, who needs to cook, who is watching the kid, who baths him, and how many hours everyone needs.

basically, its hard being away from the people i know and love and who love me. Its hard to adjust from being completely independent with alot of my own time to a lifestyle that needs my constant attention. its hard, but i think its right. im growing up, i think.

for now, lets say that there are days i miss all my friends so much, and my mother, that i just cry a bit. it doesnt really help, but still and then there are days, im so proud of me and what ive done and how brave i am, i know that its all going according to what is right in the world for me.

dont be afraid girls, of growing up. its hard, but you are more than capable of doing it. of going through the tough stuff and coming out more experienced and wiser.

llots of llove
me

Your audience awaits...

So here I'm sitting listening to Jacques crack jokes about his stomach, "hey look I don't have a six pack I have a fat pack" (LOL!) while trying to think of something interesting to blog about. But then I realize that blogging is so much less intimidating when you know who'll be reading it. Plus I actually find it inspiring to know (for a fact) that someone is actually going to read it. I always felt sorta weird blogging away randomly not knowing if anyone gives a crap! I always felt like I have an opinion to share and I enjoy writing but I felt somewhat awkward putting it out there for the whole planet to read without some kind of good legitimate reason. And now here we are all committing to blog away for each other. 

I for one am really looking forward to reading your posts! We are all intelligent and have interesting lives and the same kind of sense of humour, so I know that I will enjoy reading what you guys share! So post!! Post about anything, random rants, arbitrary facts about your day, your opinion on whatever craziness surrounds you, or just a simple one liner stating that you've got bloggers-block.

Ok well now that I've reiterated what Mic has already said, I shall move along. This week has been massively crazy for me! It has been birthday after birthday! It was Candiluv on Tuesday, followed by Lillith (my godchild) on Wednesday, and finally Micci-Boo today. Three birthdays in one week! Brilliant :) So I would like to say a BIG ASS LLAMA KARMA HAPPY FREAKEN BIRTHDAY to all of them. My life is so much better with you in it! 

Well, that's pretty much all I wanted to say...for now

luvs

Um...so..yeah...

Hope I'm doing this right......

So, I was born on the 11th, this week, 24 years ago. Yay for life! My folks, sister, Buks, and parents-in-law came round and spent ridiculous amounts of money on me :D This could be because I really am AWESOME, or because they feel bad that my hubby is out the country for two weeks. Obviously it's coz I'm AWESOME! LOL

Hmm...yes, Wez leaving. It was a sad, slow and painful start to the week with Wez leaving at 4am on Sunday morning. The rest of Sunday (Mothers' Day!) was spent racking my brain to come up with a relatively decent essay discussing colonialism and dependency theory in Avatar, without crying my eyes out every 10 minutes. Yay for essays at seriously inconvenient times.

Ok...that said, the week has otherwise been ok! Birthday happiness. Also, I got my curriculum for next semester changed, so now I have 3 subjects instead of 4. Yay! Going to attempt Gender Studies! Hmmm...

Wednesday (today) baby kitty went to the vet - she was so unimpressed! She hissed, scratched, and freaked out at the vet! Poor man!

Friday holds the honour of hosting the presentation for my GROUP project! Sigh.
At least I have my health! (And ridiculous amounts of presents!) LOL.

What looms ahead now are the dreaded exams and study weeks! Woohoo for awesome times! Lol.

Keep well ladies.

p.s. Love this idea! :D

The Genesis

Hello llama loves!!!

So here be the ve4ry first of our new lovely blog, in which we will 9hopefully0 develope the habit of keeping each other up to date with each other's lives. I know we are all so busy with various things, which is probably partly the reason we always have such a ball when we do meet up.

Here is a place where we simply take turns to write a little something, or a big something, or a medium sized something about what's is going on with us. It isn't about replying to each other, but about knowing about what's going on, like a news bulletin. we read what happens here and then we can respond in whatever manner we feel like. but more importantly, I wanna know whats going on with my llama's. wedding plans, exam frustration, latest random illness, stories about cats or dogs, terror children or just how boring your day was. its about the girls keeping up with each other.

it will take some effort as first. to do it on a semi regular basis. and by that i mean, trying for once a week. even if its two lines, i think we need to do this. it shows we care, and builds a foundation for the years to come, becasue we all are moving at speed and not always in the same direction :) so here it goes, i have posted the first entry.