Here I am again :)
It's the day after my birthday, and so now I am really thinking about where i am now, being 24, and where I intend to go with my life.
I am sure it comes a no shock to anyone that I have no clues about the future. all i can see is about 5 cm into my future, living from inch to inch.
I have this year done a few things: been graduated, got a degree, moved to joburg, wrestled with a difficult but lovable rugrat, broke up with my long time boyfriend and turned a year older. I think i have trouble stahding still.
But i have learned some things. for instance i have learned that sometimes even though you can love someone till it hurts, it doesnt make a difference if things just arent right. I have learned to seriously reconsider having kids and learned that they are alot more responsibility than they seem. I have learned that some people really do reach a point in thier lives where they refuse to change, regardless of how other people have to maneuver to get around them. I have learned, in a serious way, that being an au pair is not about just looking after kids, its about adapting to whatever family dynamic the family you are living with has, and being aware of more than just the child. in other words, the job does not stop with the kid, it extends into the entire family; who wants what for breakfast, who needs to cook, who is watching the kid, who baths him, and how many hours everyone needs.
basically, its hard being away from the people i know and love and who love me. Its hard to adjust from being completely independent with alot of my own time to a lifestyle that needs my constant attention. its hard, but i think its right. im growing up, i think.
for now, lets say that there are days i miss all my friends so much, and my mother, that i just cry a bit. it doesnt really help, but still and then there are days, im so proud of me and what ive done and how brave i am, i know that its all going according to what is right in the world for me.
dont be afraid girls, of growing up. its hard, but you are more than capable of doing it. of going through the tough stuff and coming out more experienced and wiser.
llots of llove
me
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Wow so super deep lady. Isn't life weird and hard and wonderful all at the same time? You have always been wise but wisdom is one of those things that come at a price I suppose.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing that glimpse into your life...
ReplyDeleteI miss you too so much and can't wait for your first visit home!
Growing up and taking up more responsibilities sucks! haha
I would like to not have to go to my work every day (maybe because I really hate it there right now...) and just live every day at my own whim. But life doesn't work that way.
And if you look at it, there are advantages of growing up.
You may have lots of demands on your time, but it's still YOUR time.
Also you are allowed to do cool stuff like get married! WooHoo hehe ;-)
My llama friend, you have been through so much, and I for one am super proud of how you are handling all of it!