IOU

Okay Okay, I know this may be a little lame...

But this is just a promise of a post haha. An IOU blog, to let you know that I love you and desperately want to fill you in on whats happening in my life right now.

But I don't have enough time today.

But this week it shall come and it shall be epic!

or at least full length haha.

Briefly - work is sucking like crazy right now.

Wedding plans are on track, but some stuff has to be done ASAP or it wont' be sorted in time.

But I love my fiancé' more than ever, so I know we can get through it all.

I miss miss ma llamas hugely though!!!

Breakfast soon???

Loves

Pink

I uttered an embarassed LOL...

So dear Llama friends, prepare to lol.

Half way through my work day I go to the bathroom and as I pull up my pants I realize that all is not as it should be with my trousers. In a moment the lifetime of my pants flash before my eye and another realization: I have just been prancing around the office for half a day in pants with a giant hole in the crotch area, and my black and red panties have been putting on there own little version of a peep show. (pause for dramatic effect).

So at this stage my situation was as follows: I'm in the bathroom with the offending hole in my pants, the realization that my boyshorts have been on display and the knowledge that I have no replacement pants. So I decide to put the offending pants back on and make doubly sure that its as bad as I think, I do so and yes it's pretty bad (how could I not have noticed this morning when I put them on, it must have happened in the wash??). Ok so now I need to resolve this problem as I am now a management and require a certain amount of dignity and poise. All of a sudden I realize that our receptionist is a total saint with enough stuff in her handbag to survive an apocalyptic event, and I am convinced that she will have a sewing kit in there, but I'll have to walk all the way to the front of the building with my undies on parade, but then I decide that I got through half the day prancing them around and that another 10min won't make much of a difference.

So off I go and as I have explained our receptionist graciously hands over a sewing kit with black cotton for my emergency. Now I race back to the loo to do the mending as I'm not keen to run around in my knickers in my office (I think my assistant might object). Once in the loo I realize I don't have scissors and that I will have to gnaw at the cotton, which of course I do. Now picture this: me with my pants around my ankles haunched over like the freaky sister of Quasimodo stitching my pants frantically hoping that I won't stitch one pants leg to my crotch. Never have I been so thankful for my grandmothers sewing lessons which were forced upon me as a child! 

Well my pants are back to their original hole-less state but I couldn't stop laughing and had to blog about it to you guys!

Hope I could make you smile, missing you guys a lot!

P.s. I am now officially Head of the Control Department :) how weird is that? Oh and I have found a retainer for my lip ring that no one at work has noticed so I'll be able to keep all my piercings :) Joy and joyness. 

Lluvs!

On the other side of normal.

Another update on my wierd topsy turvy life people ::)

Well, the baby went in to see the heart specialist today, so the rents are gone and since junior is too sick for school, im working a full day today. I don't really mind. Got taken out by a very nice guy yesterday who actually took me to a snamke park :) Now this park doesn't just house snakes ans other miscellaneous reptiles, but also big cats, monkeys, birds and various othercool wildlife. it was even better because the entire park is built around al these big lovely trees, ans the animals are well cared for. So it wasn't a completely depressing experience;seeing animals in cages and all that. It was on the hartebeespoot dam aswell, so there was a 'pleasuer baot" (i kid you not) leqving every half hour. I laughed every time they announced its name over the intercom :P and the food was great too.

Overall, i had such a good sunday. Went to a nice church that i'm pretty sure won't satrt prayig over my demoness ways every time they look at me. Went and spent a lovely day with a new friend. Saw prince of persia, very good. By the end of the day i felt good and real and relaxed. Exactly what i needed after the last couple of weeks which have made my mother tell e i should go back on my anxiety meds that i was taking last year. Yesterday reminded me that im only human, and everyone needs a break.

Like i said the lst few weeeks have been a special kind of hell for me. I wont go inot details, but it has made me realise that i still have alot of crap to be sorted out that is conveneintly locked away during my good days, and breaks free when i get uner any srt of pressure. this is not good. cant have the monsters coming out of the bed verytime things get tough. the solution is: get rid of the monsters.

So, like candi said, i think im going to find someone proffessional i can talk to, cos i got to much baggage. and i dont wanna become my fathers daughter, dependednt on drugs and unable to live in this reality cos my demons keep dragging me down.

anyway, im feeling pretty chipper today :)

love ya guys,
me

The Meltdown

Wednesday was a nightmare. Had back to back meetings with the CEO and top management of the company. The first meeting went ok-ish, was pretty intense but went well over-all. Then I walk into the next meeting, which btw was supposed to be a Costing Meeting and I was uber prepared for it, but then the meeting got hi-jacked and turned into a meeting to discuss my new position, which incidentally I was NOT prepared for. Well, I won't bore you with the details of exactly what went down but half way through the meeting the CEO goes off at one of the MD's and barges out of the boardroom. This is immediately followed by said MD freaking out and basically throwing his toys out the cot and also storms out. Now at this stage everyone is pretty tense and you all know how GREAT I am with confrontation and such, plus I am somewhat stressed due to the fact that I am currently filling two full-time positions and trying somehow to get it all done and prevent complete chaos and still somehow impress them all and prove that I am so the right choice for upper management. So you can just imagine how I was feeling. Next thing back comes the MD and goes off at me (in front of another MD, the company's financial director and two other colleagues) for not keeping him in the loop and basically throwing him to the wolves (which was not the case at all to be discovered at a later stage). Well, I tried soooooooo hard to keep my composure but couldn't deal any longer and the meltdown ensued. I'm talking full on ugly cry in front of some of the most senior people in the company. I was mortified, and feeling like I don't have what it takes and they are all going to think CEO is crazy for giving me the job and that I cant even handle an in-house meeting! 

It was terrible and utterly draining, and I have realized that I have no idea what I'm doing. This is not like anything I have ever done before and there is so much I am completely clueless about. This is hardcore man. I know that I can do the actual work, but I am not so sure about all the management stuff. The position I am being put in is not the kind of position offered to people our age. I almost feel like I haven't got the life-experience that goes with something like this. It's like there is this whole different etiquette that I have to adhere to that I have no clue about. There are ways that things are supposed to be done and I have no fucking idea what I'm doing!!

I know that CEO would not take a risk on me if he didn't KNOW that I have what it takes. I mean this is his company, if I fail, he fails. So I know that if he sees that in me then it's there. But that doesn't change the fact that I am so green and have sooooooooo much to still learn. I feel like a child in a very grown up world. I guess that it's  a good thing that I realize that. I am open and ready to learn, so I foresee many more bumps along this road but I'm on it now and I'll do my best to make it work.

It's so much more of a challenge than I thought. 

Your friend, the vegetable

Yes, the inevitable has happened: I've turned into a vegetable.

Yes, I can no longer disguise my sandy root-like appearance. The days of waiting for my one-and-only to return and the anticipation of the upcoming exams, coupled with the fact that TV provides a good distraction, has morphed my being, especially my mind, into a vegetable.

Woohoo! I have spent more time this week on the couch, watching TV, surfing the Internet, eating protein-less meals and sleeping than I have probably done so in my entire life. This is what I've been reduced to. I officially lack all motivation to: study or, for lack of a better description, live.

How did this happen? Am I depressed? Or am I just lazy? Or am I just procrastinating? I think definitely the first option seasoned with the latter two, like a sort of two-minute noodle depressing supper. Yup.

So, without further ado, I will shortly be getting my act together. I can no longer stand by as my life lives around me and I remain uninvolved. I used to really fun, I used to be crazy, I used to be confident and I used to be fearless. I use to be bouncy. And I miss that, SO....

I will be seeing a psych.
I will be seeing a dietitian.
I will be going back to gym.

I need to stop feeling sorry for myself while others become more awesome - i.e. Micaela - being fearless, Vanessa - moving on up and kicking butt in the process, Janel - starting a career, getting married, and Janice - turning into a freakin' super model. Oh, and yes, everyone growing up while I whimper behind like a sad puppy. Fuck that shit.

That said - you guys better hold me accountable - I've been known to turn and run!

Love,

Your friend,

The vegetable

The morning after...or afternoon.

Here I am again :)
It's the day after my birthday, and so now I am really thinking about where i am now, being 24, and where I intend to go with my life.
I am sure it comes a no shock to anyone that I have no clues about the future. all i can see is about 5 cm into my future, living from inch to inch.
I have this year done a few things: been graduated, got a degree, moved to joburg, wrestled with a difficult but lovable rugrat, broke up with my long time boyfriend and turned a year older. I think i have trouble stahding still.
But i have learned some things. for instance i have learned that sometimes even though you can love someone till it hurts, it doesnt make a difference if things just arent right. I have learned to seriously reconsider having kids and learned that they are alot more responsibility than they seem. I have learned that some people really do reach a point in thier lives where they refuse to change, regardless of how other people have to maneuver to get around them. I have learned, in a serious way, that being an au pair is not about just looking after kids, its about adapting to whatever family dynamic the family you are living with has, and being aware of more than just the child. in other words, the job does not stop with the kid, it extends into the entire family; who wants what for breakfast, who needs to cook, who is watching the kid, who baths him, and how many hours everyone needs.

basically, its hard being away from the people i know and love and who love me. Its hard to adjust from being completely independent with alot of my own time to a lifestyle that needs my constant attention. its hard, but i think its right. im growing up, i think.

for now, lets say that there are days i miss all my friends so much, and my mother, that i just cry a bit. it doesnt really help, but still and then there are days, im so proud of me and what ive done and how brave i am, i know that its all going according to what is right in the world for me.

dont be afraid girls, of growing up. its hard, but you are more than capable of doing it. of going through the tough stuff and coming out more experienced and wiser.

llots of llove
me

Your audience awaits...

So here I'm sitting listening to Jacques crack jokes about his stomach, "hey look I don't have a six pack I have a fat pack" (LOL!) while trying to think of something interesting to blog about. But then I realize that blogging is so much less intimidating when you know who'll be reading it. Plus I actually find it inspiring to know (for a fact) that someone is actually going to read it. I always felt sorta weird blogging away randomly not knowing if anyone gives a crap! I always felt like I have an opinion to share and I enjoy writing but I felt somewhat awkward putting it out there for the whole planet to read without some kind of good legitimate reason. And now here we are all committing to blog away for each other. 

I for one am really looking forward to reading your posts! We are all intelligent and have interesting lives and the same kind of sense of humour, so I know that I will enjoy reading what you guys share! So post!! Post about anything, random rants, arbitrary facts about your day, your opinion on whatever craziness surrounds you, or just a simple one liner stating that you've got bloggers-block.

Ok well now that I've reiterated what Mic has already said, I shall move along. This week has been massively crazy for me! It has been birthday after birthday! It was Candiluv on Tuesday, followed by Lillith (my godchild) on Wednesday, and finally Micci-Boo today. Three birthdays in one week! Brilliant :) So I would like to say a BIG ASS LLAMA KARMA HAPPY FREAKEN BIRTHDAY to all of them. My life is so much better with you in it! 

Well, that's pretty much all I wanted to say...for now

luvs

Um...so..yeah...

Hope I'm doing this right......

So, I was born on the 11th, this week, 24 years ago. Yay for life! My folks, sister, Buks, and parents-in-law came round and spent ridiculous amounts of money on me :D This could be because I really am AWESOME, or because they feel bad that my hubby is out the country for two weeks. Obviously it's coz I'm AWESOME! LOL

Hmm...yes, Wez leaving. It was a sad, slow and painful start to the week with Wez leaving at 4am on Sunday morning. The rest of Sunday (Mothers' Day!) was spent racking my brain to come up with a relatively decent essay discussing colonialism and dependency theory in Avatar, without crying my eyes out every 10 minutes. Yay for essays at seriously inconvenient times.

Ok...that said, the week has otherwise been ok! Birthday happiness. Also, I got my curriculum for next semester changed, so now I have 3 subjects instead of 4. Yay! Going to attempt Gender Studies! Hmmm...

Wednesday (today) baby kitty went to the vet - she was so unimpressed! She hissed, scratched, and freaked out at the vet! Poor man!

Friday holds the honour of hosting the presentation for my GROUP project! Sigh.
At least I have my health! (And ridiculous amounts of presents!) LOL.

What looms ahead now are the dreaded exams and study weeks! Woohoo for awesome times! Lol.

Keep well ladies.

p.s. Love this idea! :D